Vertigo a Lesson in Faith

Sometimes I’m lost,

But you stay near me,

I can’t see you,

But you are here.

Never leaving my side

Choosing to be present always

My faith that of no mustard seed

No mountains moved

Just me

Moved by faith size of dust

Just when I think I’ve lost hope

Raising me out of my shadows

My God I can only know you in glimpses

Glimpses of bright light to my life

How I wish I could see your face

How I wish you could just tell me what to do

How to be.

But you do speak to me in those times.

Through the mouths of a children

And some adults in childlike thought

Glimpses

Today I feel it

I woke unsure

I can not know always where you lead

But, I wake daily

Eden

Eden all around me

I turn to that tree, and I make my list

My plan.

I know all.

Stumbling from one step to the next

I wonder have you left me

Why is it so hard

Earthly struggles of ADD and Vertigo

Bring me achy joints

Foggy mind

Lost thoughts

Joy buried

Leaving the list briefly

I walk in trust and light

The list the needs they happen

All that is necessary happens

The older I get,

The less I trust my body,

My mind stronger than ever

My body stumbles

But, like a toddler I look forward

In looking forward I trust

My steps are sure.

In maturity we learn to watch our steps

A truly senseless faithless act.

Fear motivated, we watch the ground.

True balance is found in looking forward, in trusting and stepping.

Ironic that vertigo.

Teaching me to walk again.

I walk with joy, occasionally stumbling,

My eyes forwardly focused

I wish for clear steps and clear paths

Since I can not look down

But, that’s not life.

life’s paths are both cluttered and cleared

So dear vertigo I must walk with my maker

Every day everywhere

Vertigo I curse you daily,

But why?

This cursed illness of equilibrium distortions teaches me trust.

You remind me to lie down in green pastures already prepared

Without shame I rest frequently.

And, you teach me vertigo,

To be open to God’s plans as I stumble

A child does not stop walking after falling

I am a child of God

There are KTape and Chiropractors for oversized kids with aches and bumps

I keep walking forward

The faith of a dust cloud

Maybe a molecule,

Not enough

You grab my hand and lift me higher than I ever knew

You take the dizzy woman, body weak from grief,

You bless her with wholeness,

Newness

I am yours my God.

Walking with thee,

I will find my way

Speaking and listening

Speaking and listening

My Lord, My Guide

My spiritual comfort

My Great Ultimate Counselor

My love for you beyond the pale of life

May I honor you, may you never let go of my hand,

Or I of yours.

Let us walk, as Christ taught me,

Wild and free of earthly vanity

Into a place

A place of life

An Eden with no Apple

Just following

Listening, and you with me

That’s where I want to be

Walking forward not fearing my steps

That the life I choose to lead, only with your help.

Yours,

Shelley

Amen.

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